Condoms

We've had a lot of fun, right? We've talked about gizmos, contraptions, the pill. I even

said the word "douching" once. What about your ace in the hole? Your old

stand by? Your wingman? Your best bro? That's right. We're talking about condoms.

Or as you might call it a -- Batting Glove, Bone Blanket, Bullet Bag, Chicken Chariot

Cock-a-doodle- don't, Conception Rejection, Dunce Cap, Elastic Prophylactic, Freudian Slip,

Full Latex Jacket, Groin Cloth, Head Shed, Jimmy Hat, Jimi Hindrance, Lone

Ranger's Mask, Love Glove, Luger Locker, Member Muzzler, Muff Buffer, Noodle Nylon, Parent

Trap, Penis Cap, Pickle Jar, Pico de Guyo, Pig's Blanket, Plastic Surge-In, Pony Stable,

Popper Stopper, Puddle Packet, Rain Slicker, Rascal Wrapper, Shank Tank, Salami Sling,

Stuffer Stocking, Sleeve It To Beaver,Torpedo Tube, Stiffy Stocking, Wienerhosen,

Willie Warmer, Willy Wrapper. Let's hang.

The condom is a barrier device that goes on to your erect -- doodad -- to keep you from

being a dad. Condoms are also great at blocking the transmission

of many STIs or STDs. So even if she's using a different form of

birth control, the condom's still a good idea. Condoms can be up to 98% effective at preventing

pregnancy if you use 'em right -- but most people don't.

So listen up while I give you some tips. It's football time, America. Saddle up and

watch the game. Make sure the condom's in good enough shape

to do its job. Don't use one you've had in your wallet since 6th grade health class.

Or one you've fished out of your 100 degree glove compartment.

Be careful when opening the wrapper. Remember, if it's sharp enough to tear the wrapper,

it's sharp enough to tear the condom. And make sure you leave room at the tip. You know, for when you --

touchdown! Condoms are available all over the place

for any and everyone. What about gas stations? Yeah, gas stations, too.

Shh I'm trying to watch the movie.

Hey! This is important information. There's so many types of condoms. So if you

find the one that you're using is uncomfortable, pick a different kind.

Thick ones and thin ones Twisted ones and ripped ones

Her pleasure, your pleasure, Small ones, and big ones

Like some flavor? Take your pick!

I'd say cherry beats plain old -- Check please! Now maybe you've heard a rumor that sex with a

condom doesn't feel good. Are you kidding?

It's sex. It's sex. When it comes to the condom, it'll always

be a friend you can depend on. Especially if you use it right.

Hey, have you guys met my friend? He actually wrestles grizzly bears.

It's true. Guilty. I wrestle grizzly bears. Yeah? You wrestle grizzly bears too?